the wanna be mama

the wanna be mama
crowned herself a queen
a queen that fools the new
that do not know
they sit on the edge
expected to bow
playing a piece-less game
of vanity for name
dangled false charms
continue to fool
the mass in hopes
to join the cool
hidden behind a facade
an artificial cool
the truth mopes
to abide a fool
cornered false praise
tricks the naive
continuing to deceive
in reality a clique
visible to some
hiding in shadows
threatened by fear
afraid to disappear
outcasted they hear
beware of the wrath
the wanna be mama
the queen of the clique
rising beyond
highness of false esteem
among a talented few
believing they gain
trapped they become
stuck in their domain
posse to the queen
friends of clique or foe
a sad low
changing tasks
revealing masks
the queen of the clique
will never let them go
until they show
they know
shes really a foe.

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This Beautiful Day Was Not Made For Me

Antibiotics and steroids

This is my routine

October day near eighty

Not for me

 

Take the dogs for a walk

See my skin revolt

Feel my mind shrivel

Lump in my throat

 

I love the fall

It’s usually for me

My energy returns

Not this year

Is it Easier…

Is it Easier….
One long cold winter,
I learned about loneliness
How to be with loneliness.
A Buddhist Nun’s wise words
taught me to sit and be with
loneliness and I will learn.

I’ll tell ya did I learn
about myself,
my baby,
relationships,
society,
Earth,
the World.

It was one long winter.
Me, my baby, and my old big dog.
My perspective was forever changed.
Of course, I only remember about half
the knowledge or the exact words.
It is inside me, deeply rooted and
takes over when needed like an auto-pilot,
slowly steering me along.

Is it depressing to be in a lonely state?  or
Is it a part of living and growing as a person?

Western philosophy, my society, teaches
loneliness is a negative state to be.
You need to avoid or quickly replace
It is not good to be lonely.

Eastern philosophy teaches loneliness
is a state of being.
An opportune time to reflect inward.
Stay and face the feeling,
take it for what it is

There are many different reasons
someone might feel lonely: a child at recess,
lost teenager, someone missing someone, a
woman eating alone, an old man sitting on a
bench, a woman that’s been married five years.

Is it easier to be lonely single or attached?

What do you think?

* Buddhist Nun- Pema Chodron

Huh?

Stick to the plan, Stan.

No. Stay flexible, man.

So, what do you want?

Restless Scribbles of Thought

I am in the process of moving a lot of my writings to another location. I will use this one (AIP) for contests here and there. The blog is called Rivers Ruminations~ Pondering through Life with writings and photography.

Pondering through Life
click

What random object has been left beside the door?

I slowly navigate down our flights of stairs
pondering the mystery that lies at the bottom.
The mystery of objects left….
Yesterday a bag filled of clothes
Last week a frying pan, a playpen
Today, will it be a pile of books
or a set of towels?
What random object has been left beside the door?
Where did it come from?
Where is it to go?
I wonder who leaves these objects and why?
Truly, I don’t really want to know.
I want the mystery, the secret
to continue intriguing me.
These random objects left beside the door
each have a story, a lost history
a tale I am free to imagine just
how I want it to be.
The objects we have left behind
a pair of glasses, a pink sweater
significant or trivial
forgotten or missed
they are pieces to our story
pieces of life we have left behind.
I almost forgot…
What random object has been left beside the door?
Today, a stack of old dishes.
River 9/10

I Just Will

There was an overwhelming feeling.

I have been letting someone down.

My fear stopped me short of my goals.

It is not like me to let another get in my heart.

I did not want to be Carly Simon.

My heart was held hostage.

I want to make this right.

What I have is mine.

Just the sharing does not make it his.

That is all I have to say about that.

~Three Strikes I Still Stand~

The first time I was twenty-one
The second twenty-six
First I had a rare disease
Then it was in my head

By the third at thirty-one
I knew why I couldn’t walk
It made it a little easier
Still hard to face the truth
I have MS

The first paralysis
I fashioned my own therapy
The second I perfected it
By the third, I was a pro
At walking again

Even so, damage occurred
A numb hand, a limping leg
Plenty of nerve confusion
Very hard to heal
Nevertheless, still a goal

They say three strikes
Then you are out
I have had all three
I still Stand

~

received The Singing in the Rain Award. You can find it in the about above.

Am I Drunk

I look in your face
As I stumble from my car
Purposely forgetting my cane

Unmistakable instant judgment
Is scribbled across your starring
Glare while you grab your phone
Frowning towards my daughter

I laugh and turn back to my car
Parked in the Handicap zone
I grab my cane to pass you again
Watching you stop the call
Not wanting to look my way

I cannot resist muttering
“So, you think I’m drunk
Well sorry, I have MS”

*I was thinking this piece was too bitchy but as my daughter said, “Its true.”

Theatrical Limbs

One night I learned the secret!
Why my body uncontrollably
stretches and twists,
outward one minute
springing back the next
like a tight rubber band.
My foot doesn’t lift.
My knee forgets to bend.
My muscles cringe
as my hand curls
to form a claw.

It was a night I was alert
Open to the unknown
While my body hurt.

I felt the presence of what I could not see.
Then..the shadows revealed strings
that led to me.

I watched the shadows for their source.
They all traced
to one that ran their course.

The shadow was a massive blur.
That resembled..
my words were one big slur.

I nearly fainted from the sight.
Am I dreaming?
Is this right?

A Giant held the strings connected to me
as if I was a puppet
for his glee.

At that moment he became aware
of me peering
opening his mouth with a scare.

I cowered as he spoke
afraid
that he ate folk!

His voice shook the room
by surprise
like a flower in bloom.

“You are my marionette for the theater,”
the Giant exclaimed.
“I picked you amongst the rest
because you were the best.”

The doctors call it Spasticisity!

River © 2010

Inspired by Shel Silverstein

for Thursday Poets Rally week 25